then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
