I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
