I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
