hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
