were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
