That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Panties = found
Randomize
