yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
