So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
