I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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