why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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