My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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