sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
