Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
