somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
