Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
