Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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