my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You are the jesus of drinking
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
