i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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