I think I won the penis lottery.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
