HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
