I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
