I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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