I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
God I need to hump something, right now.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
