Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
She needs sedatives and a leash
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
