she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You're a waste of cheezeits
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
