The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
