Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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