ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
