Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
