I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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