quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
