I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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