i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
