His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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