I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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