sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
