I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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