..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
