Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
