apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
