Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
