I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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