He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
wow bdsm is so cute
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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