I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
