i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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