I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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