There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
