I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
