I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
