The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
