i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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