happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
