Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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