I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
