Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
