I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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