I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
