The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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