I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
