she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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