It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
