I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
