his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
