i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
