Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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