He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
