Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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